Is something wrong with you?

1. Create a Public Situation

If this comment happens at work or in a public setting, the first thing you can do is make it a public issue. This approach relies on the power of social pressure to turn the tables on the person who made the comment. The goal is to make them think twice about their statement.

How to do it: Stay calm, don’t engage in an argument or respond with emotion. Keep a serious demeanor, and then calmly say something like, “John, Carrie, or Mary believes that there is something wrong with me. Can you all please tell me if you see anything wrong with me? Am I the only one who doesn’t see it?”

This technique shifts the responsibility from you to others. The person who made the comment will now have to answer to not just you, but also everyone else involved. Most people, especially in a social or work setting, don’t want to be seen as rude or judgmental. They will likely side with you and express support, saying that there’s nothing wrong with you. This puts the person who made the comment in a difficult position, as they are now faced with collective judgment. They are less likely to repeat the remark.

Psychological Insight: This strategy plays on the principle of social proof, he idea that people tend to look to others for validation in uncertain situations. By involving others, you create an environment where social dynamics work in your favor.

2. Ask for Clarification

This technique is one you can use in virtually any setting, whether it’s with a colleague, a friend, or a family member. Instead of reacting emotionally, you calmly ask the person to clarify their statement.

How to do it: Ask, “Can you please explain what you mean by that? What exactly is wrong with me?” Stay serious and polite.

This forces the person to slow down and reconsider what they’ve just said. They may not have expected such a calm and composed reaction, and in many cases, they’ll realize they don’t have a real answer. Most likely, they won’t be able to explain what’s “wrong” with you in any meaningful way, which will make them look foolish or inconsiderate. This will likely stop them from repeating the statement in the future.

Psychological Insight: This method is rooted in the principle of cognitive dissonance, where people experience discomfort when their words or actions contradict their beliefs or self-image. When they can’t justify their statement, they will either retract it or feel guilty about making it.

3. Turn the Tables with Family or Close Relationships

If this remark comes from a close family member, spouse, or someone you have a long-standing relationship with, you can use a different approach. In this case, you agree with their statement but flip the situation by asking for their help.

How to do it: Stay calm, nod in agreement, and say something like, “You’re right. I’ve always felt that there’s something wrong with me. I’m glad you noticed. Can you help me? What do you think I should do about it? Maybe you could help me find the right therapist and schedule an appointment. Would you be willing to go with me for support?”

This technique, while bold, forces the person who made the comment to take responsibility for it. They’ve pointed out a supposed issue, so now it’s their turn to help resolve it. You’ve not only acknowledged their statement but also made them responsible for assisting you.

Psychological Insight: This strategy taps into the principle of reciprocity, where people feel obligated to help when they are asked for assistance. It can also cause guilt if they refuse to follow through, as they will feel accountable for not helping after pointing out an issue.

4. The Reality of Imperfection

It’s important to remember that, while it can be hurtful to hear that there is something wrong with you, every single person has imperfections. There’s no such thing as a “perfect” human being, and being told that something is wrong with you doesn’t make you any less valuable.

Psychological Insight: Perfectionism, both personal and societal, often causes unnecessary stress and anxiety. Acknowledging that imperfection is part of the human condition can reduce the emotional impact of these comments. When you embrace your flaws and focus on growth, external criticism has less power to affect your self-worth.

Tips for Responding Calmly:

• Stay calm: Take a deep breath before responding, and avoid reacting impulsively.

• Use open body language: This helps you come across as composed and confident.

• Don’t take it personally: Often, the person making the comment has their own insecurities or frustrations.

• Take time to reflect: Sometimes, it’s worth asking yourself if there’s any truth to the statement and if there’s something you can learn from the interaction.

• Seek support: Talk to trusted friends or a therapist for validation and perspective if you’re feeling affected.

Being told that there is something wrong with you is never easy. But remember, the way you respond can influence how you feel and how others perceive the situation. Stay calm, don’t internalize the comment, and use strategies that empower you. Whether it’s drawing others into the conversation, asking for clarification, or turning the tables in a close relationship, you have the ability to regain control over the narrative and protect your self-esteem. And remember, imperfection is a part of being human—embrace it, learn from it, and continue moving forward.